Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
