no, he came in my armpit
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
