so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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