NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
