I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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