Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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