Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
