We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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