I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
