Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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