remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
