Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
