DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
