I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Less talking, more tequila
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
