I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
