I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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