Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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