I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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