i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
