Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
