So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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