her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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