dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
