you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
