I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
