LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
