You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
