just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
