her vagine was all disorganized.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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