wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i now understand why vodka
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
