when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
