Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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