I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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