Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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