I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
