omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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