i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
