so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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