3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
