i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
time to smoke my breakfast
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
