i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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