I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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