billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
