around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
