at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
