i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
