You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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