I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
