Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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