I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vagina is officially offended.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
