so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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