Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
