Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
