What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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