somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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