I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
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I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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