what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
