More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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