That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
