remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
