i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
