so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
how drunk are you?
Several
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
