We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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