I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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