so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
